so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
