so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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