with your own penis?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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