You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
