I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
