I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
