i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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