We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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