are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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