i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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