i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i have herpe
just one?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
