his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
