I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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