Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
