i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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