If i come over, it means nothing
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
