my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
