shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
