i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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