i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
pray to the hookup gods
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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