Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
