Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
