You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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