is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
