Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
