Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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