Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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