the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can't just leave with hair like that
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
