Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
