woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
