it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
