when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize