Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
