quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
