by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
