So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
