I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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