Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
