i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
