Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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