who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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