I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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