hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
