I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
