Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
