why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
