we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
