I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Two words: blizzard sex
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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