My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
