We won't sleep together?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
