There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
