Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
