Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
