i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize