cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
