My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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