So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize