This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
