The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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