i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
