Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
