id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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