the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
